Walmart Defies Nature With Ice Cream That Doesn't Melt

Walmart Defies Nature With Ice Cream That Doesn't Melt

Filed under: 
Food & Travel

 Walmart, the world's largest retailer and the figurative ass hole of consumerism, gets hit with its share of controversy on a regular basis. A few years ago, one of their security guards was trampled to death by a horde of Black Friday shoppers bloodthirsty for discount Ipads, lawn chairs, and underwear. They've since spent almost half a million dollars to avoid paying a small fine. Essentially, that bouncing yellow smiley face might be the face of corporate satan. 

George Constanza eating ice cream

In their latest use of black magic, Walmart has made ice cream sandwiches that don't melt, defying one of the most constant law of nature. Even according to Ali G, melting is pretty much the main feature of ice cream.

When a Cincinnati mom found that her son had left a Walmart Great Value ice cream sandwich out on the patio for over 12 hours in 80 degree heat, she noticed something strange. The shit hadn't melted. According to WCPO Cincinnati, the mom left a second sandwich out overnight with the same result. This shouldn't be. One of the ways God flexes his muscles is by turning our solids to liquids from billion of light years away. 

south park walmart on fire gif

Walmart thinks that they can just fuck around with nature and there won't be consequences.

It might not be a bad thing, though. If melt-proof ice cream doesn't come with some sort of bizarre health risk, it might come in handy on a hot summer day. 

What do you think?

Share this article

Comments

Content Stream

The last night of the year’s shortest month was an eventful one in Montréal’s music scene. MTelus was full of energy as Vince Staples’ Smile, You’re On Camera Tour tore through the city. With opening acts, Armani White , and Buddy , who did nothing short of impress, Vince’s jam packed performance...
We did a double take when listening to Kwési 's debut track dropped. "Want" is off his upcoming EP titled Things I Learned At Home , and we can't get enough. He mixes afro-pop vibes with a smooth dream-like vocal riff that will seep in deep into your soul as you stream the song over and over again...
Montreal-based artist Super Freddy kicks off 2019 with his latest single "Dance Like Me" - A song that represents two sides of myself. While it's an upbeat song that I hope will get people up and dancing, the verses tell the story of a time in my life when I was struggling in school, life, and in...
It's been a minute since we've had some new goodies from FouKi and now it's time. His latest single "Budapest" is out on all official platforms and is accompanied by dope lo-fi visuals done up by Montrealer Xavier MC using archive footage from his stay in Europe/France. The single is off his...
Our Montreal boyband Ragers dropped new visuals. Their single titled “ZAC” is the internet. Addicting riffs and melody will have you playing it on repeat. We've seen them grow and mold themselves into bigger, better sound, and overall adaptations to modern-times and finding their unique sound and...
When Toronto and Montreal get together, you get pure magic. Elliston (vocalist) and Montreal producer Azlo met online and decided to work through facetime sessions as well as back and forth trips to put together a dozen songs that they stripped down to 4, making their latest collaborative EP titled...
Our homeboy idkcharlie just dropped a new tune, more specifically his own rendition of "Just a Dream" by Nelly - The production was done by fellow producer Deegs who gives it a modern-day twist. Listen to the track right here:
Young emerging artist Ruben Young is kicking off 2019 with a new track. Hailing from Calgary, Ruben’s raspy timbre and modern soul- crooner vibe will hit the spot at the right tones. His latest synth-driven R&B track titled "Golden Hell" is one you will be playing on repeat as your mind drifts...
Montreal's nightlife scene is notorious for its eclectic crowds, avant-garde fashion, and wild times. People travel from all over the world to come party in this city. Whether it is to hear good music, watch good looking people dance the night away, or to end up at one of those wild afterparties...
Montreal's nightlife scene is notorious for its eclectic crowds, avant-garde fashion, and wild times. People travel from all over the world to come party in this city. Whether it is to hear good music, watch good looking people dance the night away, or to end up at one of those wild afterparties...
Montreal's mona on the radio is back with a fresh new single and bright colored visuals to accompany it. I spent way too long being super sad over this 1 girl…. instead of dwelling over all these “what if’s,” i just realized that it’s ok... for so many reasons, some things don’t last forever. We...
This autumn was a turning point for Les Louanges . Named Breakthrough artist of the year at the GAMIQ awards last Sunday, the young singer-songwriter won over critics and audiences with the release of his debut album, described in VOIR as possibly one of the best Quebec albums this season. Today,...