The Scroguard Is Terrible For More Reasons Than You Think

The Scroguard Is Terrible For More Reasons Than You Think

The Scroguard Is Terrible For More Reasons Than You Think
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Sex & Recreation

I could say the Scroguard is terrible because it looks like a diaper with a turtleneck for your peen, but anyone with eyes can see that. I could say that the Scroguard is terrible because it will instantly destroy the mood once the man drops his pants, but anyone without a latex fetish knows that. I could even say that the idea of latex grinding at your dry pelvis seems more like a one night stand with your Grandma’s couch than a good time with a stud. Again, I’m sure your vivid imaginations already considered the awkwardness of a latex speedo queefing softly against their lover’s hipbones. All those cringe-worthy reasons aside, the Scroguard is terrible because of the way it promotes safe sex.

The Scroguard is designed to protect a man’s pelvic area from the possibility of being infected by sexually transmitted diseases contracted through skin contact. STDs like Herpes and HPV can be transmitted even after wearing a condom, which is the Universe’s way of putting raisins into the amazing chocolate-chip cookie that is “sex”. This product is great if you know you have one of those STDs. It allows you to protect your partner and have guilt-free sex!

Chocolate Chip Cookies

However, Scroguard doesn’t advertise itself as a way to protect the relationships of people living with STDs. Scroguard comes across as the paranoid and judgmental guy who needs a vigorous shower after every handjob. The website even brushes off the idea of wearing boxers during sex, because disease sweat can still get through the fabric. Clothes aren't enough penis protection for these guys.

On their FAQ, someone pointed out that a woman might be offended to see them wearing such extreme protection before having sex with them. It might be because she might feel like the guy is treating her genitalia like it’s Chernobyl. The website counters that if she doesn’t want to feel like she’s in The Naked Gun, then she’s not good enough to touch.

Is a girl going to get offended if I wear this?


Depends on the girl. A girl who understands your desire to reduce skin-to-skin contact will not get offended. Some might get offended. You would only want the former type of girl anyways.

Naked Gun


Look, it’s good to be safe, but this kind of attitude promotes the stigma that is associated with STDs. STDs aren’t the end of the world. Humans get infected with things all the time. How is contracting something through sex any less normal than getting a cold sore? Shit happens. Being constantly terrified of women and their dirty, dirty vaginas is not a good way to live. There is a difference between caution and fear. You can be responsible without being paranoid. How far will you go to be risk-free? At what point is it too much? You could wear this latex diaper, but her mouth could be infected. A plastic bubble would protect you, but there could always be a rip. You could wear gimp suits and dry hump...

You know what? Fuck it. Just don’t have sex.

Images: Main, 1, 2, 3

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