Confessions of a Tinderella

Confessions of a Tinderella

Tinder
Filed under: 
Sex & Recreation

"Confessions..." is an on-going column where we invite readers to submit their most outrageous personal stories anonymously for everyone to read. These stories are real, and usually come from people who lead double lives. Due to the nature of the subject matter, all identities are kept anonymous to protect the person's job, and normal day-to-day life. Click Here for more Confessions stories.

This week we spoke to a self-proclaimed Tinderella to hear about her first-hand experience with dating guys on the app.

I started using the social-dating app Tinder about 8 months ago, after some friends introduced me to it. At first I thought it was just going to be for shits and giggles, that is, until it became a serious hobby of mine. Not knowing what I was getting into at first, I went in blindly. Little did I know that I'd get hooked right away. 

It always starts when I am a little bit bored. I open the app and swipe through it just to see if I am able to find hot guys to stare through my phone's display. Obviously  it's hard to decipher any guy through a picture, but the fun part is looking at the picture and starting to imagine what this guy's all about. I start imagining what his daily routines are,  what he does first thing in the morning. When I come across a Brad Pitt type, I tend to imagine him grabbing me from behind and fucking my brains out against the vanity in my room. The problem is, when you start, there is no looking back. The thoughts and imagination become stronger every time and, before you know it, I've been on the app for a good couple of hours and have not accomplished much other than teasing myself. 

tinderella

The reality is, there is a 40% chance the next dude I start talking to will meet all the requirements I progressively built up during my swiping routine, and there's always that one little thing that becomes a complete turn-off in each guy I speak to. The swiping becomes endless, because you always keep hope that the next one will be worthy to drool over.

I always let the guy start the conversation. It's always the first few questions that count. If a guy successfully passes my initial screen test, I start feeling butterflies in my stomach and get the urge to grab a pillow and place it in between my legs. I will never start the conversation myself though, never. The whole point here is to make it seem hard for them to get to me; men love that, it makes it more challenging for them and more exciting for me to gain their attention.

tinderella

The interactions always begin in a pretty similar way: a simple, "Hello," "How are you?," "What do you do in life?," and "What are you up to?" Occasionally, you will have that one creep who skips right to the point and let his manhood do the talking. Ew. You might as well take a picture of your dick and put it as your profile photo, you'd make our lives so much easier. I usually skip those creeps right away, because it's not fun when a guy gets right to the point; it's all about building up the momentum.

Tinder is a lot of work: there are a lot of boring and dumb guys on there, and I don’t really want to waste my time talking to someone who I know I will never meet. Which is why I stopped counting the amount of aimless flirt-convos I've had on the app. I filter the conversations I am having as they progress. If a guy has nothing interesting to say or comes off as a player/douchebag then the conversation ends there. You need to have game on Tinder just like in real life!

On rare occasions, you'll get matches that are only in town for a couple of days because they are traveling, which gives you a free pass for one night stands. I've fucked a couple of hot business-type men in their hotel rooms and one in the backseat of his rental car (I won't go into details). Those encounters are usually the ones I don't speak about when gossiping with my girls. It's a quick-release kind of meet-up; the conversation stops as soon as they leave town. 

tinderella

Having used this app thoroughly, I came to the conclusion that there are 3 archetypes of horny guys that continually resurface during the search: 

1. The Cocky Bastard: This guy will always start the conversation by ridiculously complimenting you on your physique, like, "Hey you look very hot in your picture," or, "It might seem crazy but, you seriously are the prettiest girl I've met on here." - AS IF I'm going to believe that I am the only one he says that to. Bye. 

2. The Awkward Dude: This guy will take the randomest thing he sees on one of your pictures and start his conversation while attempting to break the ice. "You picked a nice color for your wallpaper, is that your room?" or "Who's that girl lying next to you on the grass? Your mom?" - I mean, there's nothing wrong with breaking the ice, but COME ON. I am definitely not interested in exchanging interior design tips, or talking about anyone else but myself. Although this type of guy is the least annoying out of the bunch, some of them really don't know how to play the game. 

3. The Creep: There is nothing worse than when a guy jumps right into it: "So, what are you looking for here ?" A new purse, what the fuck else would I be doing on this app? Clearly I am looking to date someone. Sidenote: a sophisticated girl will never say she is looking for sex. Society is built that way, and it won't change anytime soon. I usually make a joke about it, and if he becomes too persistent about getting his dick wet, I skip him and move on to the next one. 

There is the occasional girl that I end up speaking to, but I don't tell any of my friends about it. I mean, I have never met or been with a girl off this app, and I do not consider myself bisexual, but if she's good at flirting I will give it a go just for fun. I guess you can call me curious for now. 

Also, there is this weird tendency for guys who use Tinder to be short. I can definitely contest to the fact that about 80% of the guys I've met through this app are, in fact, short. This trend is kind of disappointing due to the fact that most girls like me are looking for a man that has to lean in when kissing me, not the other way around.

tinderella

It took about two weeks for me to build up confidence in meeting the first guy in person.

My first real-life Tinder date was actually kind of awkward. I really didn’t know what to expect and was slightly worried that he would be a psychopath or something. I had never met someone from “online dating” before. It was also incredibly impromptu; I was talking to him one night when I was working late and he was very adamant in seeing me. He really wanted to go for a drink and was trying really hard while at the same time being really funny and charming, which is why I gave in. We met up that same night. In terms of my expectations, I didn’t really have any, least of all did I plan on sleeping with him that night, and I didn't. Believe it or not, though, we actually ended up seeing each other for a bit over a month and eventually did sleep together. He freaked out once it started getting slightly serious and I never saw him again. Is Tinder for pussies? Ironically enough, this, my first ever Tinder date was the longest Tinder “relationship” I've had.

tinderella

One of my worst experiences is when I went out with a bartender of a really prestigious, hip restaurant. Apparently, he was working on becoming a sommelier and knew a lot about wine. We went to a restaurant for drinks, and of course I let him pick the bottle of wine we ordered. I didn’t see what he ordered, but I assume it wasn’t the cheapest bottle on the menu considering his palette. The restaurant wouldn’t let us order only wine, so we ordered a few plates to share, which I could tell he didn’t want to do. The date was going really well and, when we were done, I went to the bathroom. I came back wondering if he had already settled the bill, which he hadn’t. The waitress came to bring it to us, he picked it up, looked at it and put it back down. I then picked it up, looked at it and put it back down. He wasn’t saying anything. I then reached into my purse, starting pulling out my wallet -- he still wasn’t saying anything. Then I reached into my wallet, started pulling out my credit card -- still nothing. I dropped my card on the table and meanwhile, he was pulling out his thick stack of cash from his pocket (it seems he was making a lot of money from tips). Not only did he not offer to pay the bill, but he had ordered one of the priciest bottles of wine on the menu! What upset me is not that he didn’t pay for the bill, it’s that he didn’t OFFER to pay for the bill on our first date. It’s the principle of the thing, you know? He still proceeded to ask me if I wanted to come over. I didn’t.

Even though Tinder has taken over my life in certain ways, there is no way for me to keep away from it. My curiosity is way stronger than my will to quit. It's like a bad habit where you only feel guilty after the fact, and the fact is I won't stop anytime soon.

I am a proud Tinderella, what is YOUR story? 

See the other entries in our confessions series :

If you think you have an interesting story to be featured as part of the anonymous Confessions series, send us an email to [email protected] and tell us your story.

Photo Source: Tumblr

Share this article

Comments

Content Stream

Noble Oak is the moniker of 25 year old Vancouver based multi-instrumentalist, artist and producer Patrick Fiore . He makes music that is captivating in all the sense of the word, giving us the melodies and airy-beats that ease us into his world, immersing ourselves in an amalgam of feel-good vibes...
Safia Nolin presented the final installment of her Dans le noir live session: "Encore" . Shot with a thermal camera and directed by Jean-François Sauvé , this third single-sequence video follows "Miroir" and "Les chemins" . Safia performs Encore alongside her acolytes Joseph Marchand and Philippe...
Our Montreal darling San James just recently dropped visuals for her latest single "White Walls" - The beautiful video directed by Vincent René-Lortie and features a storyline shot in a way to match the mood and cinematic vocal delivery coming from San James . Swelve deep into her world as she...
Nate Husser first started his career in the heart of Montreal's Little Burgundy with his acclaimed hip-hop band The Posterz . He broke out as a solo act with his 2017 debut Geto Rock for the Youth . The EP’s vibey, feely and nostalgic mood is a stark contrast to his live performances, which are...
Canadian hip-hop artist Ollie has released another new single. Based out of a small town near Toronto, ON, Ollie first emerged on the hip-hop scene after he dropped out of university and left his football career behind to pursue what he felt was his true purpose – music. "Need Someone” is one of...
ivy mairi is on our radar. She just recently wrapped her upcoming EP titled Polarity set to release later this year. Her recent release is the single “Strange Love” - The song is about those moments when someone special unexpectedly enters your life, the way that new love can look and feel...
Coming off his debut album release Lonely in Paradise , Toronto crooner Lou Val returns with a sultry new single titled "Bold"- Primed for the bedroom, Lou’s refined vocals lay smoothly with room to breathe over airy, crackling production from his right hand man The 25th Hr. Where his debut project...
Denzel Curry played his debut show in Montreal last night, and it was lit. In case you are unfamiliar, Miami-area rapper Denzel Curry is well-known for his latest major-label debut TA13OO which has been taking the internet by storm lately. He balances rhymes packed with intense and introspective...
Our eyes are all over Giulianna Grilli , a new discovery we made just recently. This multi-talented fashion designer has a significant educational background to back her up in her journey. Half-Canadian, and other half European, she dwelves in the realm of new-wave fashion with a meaning. We...
It’s that time of the year. The Festival du nouveau cinéma de Montreal is back for its 47th edition, running over 300 movies between October 3rd and October 14th. You read that number right… imagine having to choose between all of those titles? Exciting to say the least. This year’s festival will...
Just this past Friday JT Soul dropped a smooth funk 2-track EP with the infamous Rami Bizzle of Planet Giza . While working towards his album, for next spring, t he young Montrealer drops his fourth summer release and it's been a hell of a ride so far. JT picks 2 cuts from his song bank to deliver...
Meet PLUM . This dream pop band has got a new track titled "Out of Love" which is taken off their most recent EP titled D.R.I.P - The tune is representative of the band's ability to combine an upbeat rhythm with ethereal vocals that send the listener into a nostalgic euphoria. The video which was...