Confessions of a Craigslist Whore (NSFW)

Confessions of a Craigslist Whore (NSFW)

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Sex & Recreation

"Confessions of a..." is an on-going column where we invite readers to submit their most outrageous personal stories anonymously for everyone to read. These stories are real, and usually come from people who lead double-lives. Due to the nature of the subject matter, we decided to keep it anonymous to protect the person's identity, job, and normal day-to-day life.

"[How many of] you use craigslist? And I'm not talking about, "Oh hey, I'm looking for an apartment" craigslist. I'm talking about, "Give me a hand job. I'll give you my coffee table" kind of craigslist. That's craigslist."  - Aziz Ansari

The "real" craigslist is a sexy yet filthy place where open-minded means DTF. It's the place where that unfathomable offer is a scam that wants A LOT more than meets the eye.

I've done a lot of weird things on craigslist; put up ads to have my pubes braided, sent nudes [sans face – duh!], and tried to be an escort on more than one occasion. But that was just me trolling craigslist. My craigslist life was about to get A LOT nastier, like a slow drip that became a bursting faucet of sex, drugs, and trading couches. 

There was a point in my life when I got fired from my job (discrimination), and could not find a job for the life of me due to a language barrier. Basically I was fucked and broke; I needed to hustle. But how? And what? Drugs? Didn’t have the down deposit. Sex? 

The Threesome

threesome gif

After not seeing each other for two years, my girlfriend from high school came to visit me at college. She was always the one who got me in trouble; we smoked our first joint together, had our first lesbian experience together and she was the one who introduced me to blow. So when she came to visit me, I knew we were about to break ALL of the rules. This happened to come in the form of a craigslist booty call… Late in the night, we posted a prank ad to craigslist which read as follows:

2 21 year-old blondes looking to find someone to join our no-pants party; must have an unusually large dick and be able to handle our double trouble.

3 hours, a 2-6 of vodka, a jar of pickles and a cap of molly later, we were ready to take our joke a little more seriously than intended. When we got a response from someone who turned out to be a somewhat famous rapper, we knew it was time.

Hello, I’m visiting town to play a show and I’m looking for some post-show fun. Come over to my hotel later?

-T 

There’s only one thing that turns me on more than big dicks and that’s musicians, especially rappers.

Suddenly my vision began to spin as we jumped in a cab and appeared at the nicest hotel in town. Upon arriving, we were whisked to the penthouse and $ signs began floating in my vision field. Must have been reality and not a figment of my hazy state. Then, we were being handed plates of cheese and Henny (the way to a girl’s heart). As the night got fuzzier and fuzzier, clothes began to come off and pillow fights commenced. Next thing I knew, I was in the bathtub attempting to shave my pussy, while my counter-part was doing a WHOLE lot more in the other room.

Exiting the bathroom, the night got VERY blurry. I remember T saying he was only going to get me more wet than the bath had. Flashes of my sucking my friend’s titties and going down on her while being penetrated seem to come in and out of my vision. 

And then I woke up… Last night's remnants lay strewn across the room; whipped cream, chocolate syrup drizzled all other the sheets, and panties everywhere. T was packed up and trying to hustle us out of bed.

“How much?” 

“Huh?” I replied.

“How much did the night cost me?”

I hadn’t realized what he was paying us for. Then it dawned on me. He thought we were prostitutes. I panicked.

“40 dollars.” As the words left my mouth I realized I could have asked for a whole lot more. But hungover and confused, I grabbed the money and we sprinted out of the place. I could barely even believe I had become a craigslist prostitute for a night. 

 

The Panty Hustler

Panty Whore

After my first craigslist gig (if you could call it that), I was ready to make more and give less. But how? My friend once told me she needed an abortion and sold used panties on Craigslist to pay for it. Boom! I was in the business of a Craigslist panty whore. I put up the cheesiest ad I thought that perverts would want. And did they ever cum running. At first, the reaction was fairly tame, with dudes asking me barely risqué questions. What did I look like? Was my pussy hot and sweaty in the summer heat? Was I masturbating? But then it got weird.

 

The Bloody Bandit

Vagpire

I got an email asking if I could really stink up some panties. Next, he wanted to know if I had any panties with stains, probably because my body was a holy temple he wanted to praise and not because he was going to voodoo on them. I told him I would masturbate in them and get them nice and wet before selling him them. But that’s not what he wanted; he wanted my juicy period blood all over white satin panties. Which is like uber specific and makes me think that he may or may not have been a vampire who was on a strict diet of pussy blood. Okay Vagpire, I’ll even throw in my bloody tampon so you can make tea, thank me later ;)

The Poop Molester

Shit in anime porn

One gentleman caller (if you could call him that) had an even dirtier request.  This filthy bastard asked me to wear a pair of panties all day and then shit in them right before I went to meet him. He told me he’d prefer that I still be wearing them when we met, but I, not a fan of taking the subway mid-shit, declined. Instead, I put the noxious knickers in a Ziploc and slipped them into my purse.  On my way out the door, my roommate stopped me for a casual chat. I tried to play it cool, making polite conversation, until the smell of the poopy pantaloons wafted up to my nose and I couldn't take it anymore. 

I made a whopping $100 out of it, but I definitely had to throw out that purse.

 

The Bestiality Freak

Bestiality meme

After a spell of pervy-ass men, I thought maybe my luck would change when a lady sent me an email. Then I realized the truth; women are just as nasty as men. This particularly lady started off like an innocent child waiting for me to deflower her panty fantasies.

Hi, I'm interested in wearing your used panties and bras.  Can I see a pic of your body? (no face).

-S

And then it got messy. 

I have this other fetish.  I really like woman's armpits.  Shaved of course lols...  I'd like you to buy a t-shirt (cheap Fruit Of The Loom will do) so this way when I wear it, it will be like having your armpits against mine.  I shave my armpits by the way.  Also, I'm into zoofilia but not many people are into this...

-S

Wondering what zoofillia is? Yeah me too But after some quick googling I realized she wanted me to fuck a dog in its asshole.

Cheers craigslist, you really know how to keep it classy.

Vomit GIF

Feel free to barf your hearts out in the comments below. 

See the other entries in our confessions series :

If you think you have an interesting story to be featured as part of the anonymous Confessions series, send us an email to info@ixdaily.com and tell us your story.

Photo Sources: Tumblr

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