ROB FORD is Still Fucking Cool
Yes, having a criminal record is super cool. Being the mayor of Toronto and having a criminal record is even fucking cooler. I am a super biased reporter - I heart Rob Ford. Always have, ever since the release of his pro-crack anti-library policy was unveiled. Genius!
And today yet more scandal broke surrounding my pal, inspiration, and AA sponsor Rob Ford. Since Rob and I are super tight, naturally I’m also BFF’s with Alexander Lisi, who was busted for weed!
Thestar.com is reporting that poor little Lisi is in big poo-poo with the police for a little Breaking-Bad-style bust.
Poor little Lisi, (will he ever learn?) instead of buying himself a cellphone or borrowing one of my many cellphones, hit the streets (presumably high) and offered to trade his mad stash of primo green for a cellphone...? Come on guys, amateur mistake. We are talking season 1 Breaking Bad amateur style mistake. Clearly, if Walter White has taught us anything, you should just kill the guys and take the phone.
Ok, so according to the police documents and the presumably non-biased reporting of thestar.com that cell phone that he was willing to give up his stash for belonged to our friend Mr. Ford. PLOT TWIST LEVEL M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN's THE VILLAGE.
Kids, this is just Mayor Ford teaching us lowly minions yet another one of life’s lessons, let’s call it a Lisi Lesson: When you need something try using money instead of drugs, guns, and or violence. Or even better if you’re BFF’s with the mayor just pay off a cop, yo!