The Myth of the Strapless Strap-On

The Myth of the Strapless Strap-On

When I first ventured into the land of lady-on-lady loving I was enamored with the idea of a strapless strap-on. No obnoxious straps. No lost parts. Just yummy direct skin-on-skin contact, mutual penetration and toe curling clitoral friction! What else could a young lesbo dream of?

If you have never seen one of these bad boys, head to a sex shop and give them a look. There are two models that you are likely to find; the Feeldoe and a model by Fun Factory. By inserting and clenching the “the short, curved bulb…into the vagina” Fun Factory says that you will have an “unbeatable sexual experience” completely free of messy straps. If you have ever played with a normal strap-on, you know how difficult it can be; complicated twisted straps make it difficult to get on, clasps suddenly give way moments before orgasm and if your angles aren’t just right that dildo flops around all over the place.

For years, I have dreamt of endless nights of fucking with one of these god-sends. Finally, several penetration-weary partners later, I got my chance! After going heavy on the foreplay and free flowing with lube it was time for the main event.

How dare they call this monstrosity a ‘bulb’! A bulb sounds like the beginnings of a delicate blossom; something tiny and shaped like a sperm. But ohhh no, that is not what it was. Attempting to insert this enormous strangely shaped beach ball into my lady flower felt like I was playing an aggressive game of Tetris with machetes.

Just fuck me alreadyNo pain, no gain- on we go! After thanking the all mighty Sapphic god that my babymaker didn’t rip while getting this thing in, and grateful that my cries of pain hadn’t killed the mood too much, the tapered edge initially kept it comfortably in place while beginning to get our groove on. I must admit that there is nothing more satisfying that playing with this toy. If you are on the receiving end, feeling the tender skin of your lover so close to you and hearing their sighs of her pleasure is incredible. As a giver it is AMAZING! ...for about 30 seconds. With every thrust you get a triple shot of pleasure; the moans of your lover, the contact with your clit and perfect aim right to your g-spot. With that much going on, the moisture level amplifies incredibly… and thus comes the searing pain. Regardless of how hard you try to clench your PVCs, you are going to get dangerously wet and this thing is going to slip out. It hurts going in and boy does it hurts falling out. Worse, noticing that you are slowly losing grasp of this toy as your lover’s cries become sharper and shorter is a tragedy all on its own.

I’ve taken a general poll and it seems that most women I know either gave up on this toy, use it with a harness, or sport a snug fitting pair of underwear to support it. Tragically, I must dispel the myth of the strapless strap-on. Nevertheless, I would strongly recommend you give this toy a try: just with a harness.

By Waxey McBush
Jan 17, 2013 @ 17:07

Comments

Content Stream

  • 0 sec agoAustin Edward15 views
    Let me start by saying this, translating electronic music to a live setting is a tedious and difficult task. When producers attempt to recreate everything live using just a laptop, the experience can seem underwhelming. Aside from the sound lacking the dynamics of live instruments and musicians, many artists are cursed by looking about as engaged in their performance as they are when they’re scrolling through their twitter feed. On the other hand, attempting to over-perform those meticulously...
  • 0 sec agoMelissa Nudo10 views
    With all the hoopladida going around about cat-calling this week, I've decided to jump on the bandwagon- Mel Nudo Style. I'll try to be serious in this one but I can't promise you anything. This week, a cat-call video has gone viral. Created by viral video extraordinaire, Rob Bliss in collaboration with non-profit organizationm Hollaback. The two-minute clip illustrates an actress walking through the streets of New York for a period of 10 hours. The video claims that within this period...
  • 0 sec agoJules de Gaulmyn14 views
    The month of October saw the coming of various singers, DJ's and bands who delivered both impressive and unforgettable shows, Kaytranada and Flying Lotus being particularly at the top of their form. This November, Montréal is welcoming some more acts that you should definitely not miss.Mac Demarco - November 5, Théâtre Rialto "Montréal's sweetheart" is back for the third time in less than a year. Following the release of his third album, "Salad Days", Mac Demarco has been touring all year and...
  • Oct 31, 2014 @ 12:44IX Staff32 views
    Blending GrandBuda’s trap and EDM background to Wisdom’s hip-hop and funk beat vibes surely makes this the sexiest remix of this track out there. We suggest you light up a couple candles, set yourself up comfortably, and wether you listen to it alone or with your lover, the synths and chords on this beat assure you a good time. You can stream and download How About Now (GrandBuda & Nick Wisdom remix) on Soundcloud here: Drake - How About Now (GrandBuda & Nick Wisdom remix) ...
  • Oct 31, 2014 @ 12:10Nick Brutus Grass Younes83 views
    Watching the music video for "Video Girl" directed by Khalil Joseph seemed abstract at first glance, which automatically gave me the urge to take a deeper look at what I could extract from it. When it comes to FKA twigs, there's no doubt that a lot of thought goes into any project she's involved in, especially when it comes to her visuals. I couldn't hold back from researching as much as I could to come up with some sort of idea of what is really going on in her latest music video, so bear with...
  • Oct 31, 2014 @ 10:58Alaric Antos62 views
    Thinking of watching a scary movie for Halloween? why not pick up a video-game instead.   There's something particularly chilling about horror oriented video-games that no other medium can replicate. That's because unlike film or writing, games rely on their interactive component to immerse the player into the game's universe. So whereas with movies, you can simply watch events unfold with a pillow at eye level to censure out the gritty bits, in games, you are as involved in...
  • Oct 31, 2014 @ 10:47Penny Stephens 96 views
    Marc 7, a member of the infamous West Coast hip hop crew Jurassic 5, recently tweeted that “thousands of Sasquatch sighting will be reported on Halloween”; signaling the release date of his newest single – one in a string of newly minted solo releases from the MC.   "Sasquatch" helps cultivate his outsider persona and seems to deliver some pointed advice to youngsters coming up in the game. Having been a fixture in the hip hop scene since the early 90’s, it is no wonder the veteran...
  • Oct 31, 2014 @ 10:43Dana Ewachow207 views
    I used to hate slutty Halloween costumes. I would glare at all the ladies who would dress up in their best clubwear and then add kitten whiskers. I believed that Halloween could only have room for goofy or terrifying costumes. There was no room for bellybutton rings in my Halloween utopia. It’s easy to hate on slutty costumes. They’re lazy! They’re attention-seeking! They’re so easy (pun intended)! And you know what? That’s great! I shouldn’t spend my night grumbling in the corner about a young...
More articles