The Myth of the Strapless Strap-On

The Myth of the Strapless Strap-On

When I first ventured into the land of lady-on-lady loving I was enamored with the idea of a strapless strap-on. No obnoxious straps. No lost parts. Just yummy direct skin-on-skin contact, mutual penetration and toe curling clitoral friction! What else could a young lesbo dream of?

If you have never seen one of these bad boys, head to a sex shop and give them a look. There are two models that you are likely to find; the Feeldoe and a model by Fun Factory. By inserting and clenching the “the short, curved bulb…into the vagina” Fun Factory says that you will have an “unbeatable sexual experience” completely free of messy straps. If you have ever played with a normal strap-on, you know how difficult it can be; complicated twisted straps make it difficult to get on, clasps suddenly give way moments before orgasm and if your angles aren’t just right that dildo flops around all over the place.

For years, I have dreamt of endless nights of fucking with one of these god-sends. Finally, several penetration-weary partners later, I got my chance! After going heavy on the foreplay and free flowing with lube it was time for the main event.

How dare they call this monstrosity a ‘bulb’! A bulb sounds like the beginnings of a delicate blossom; something tiny and shaped like a sperm. But ohhh no, that is not what it was. Attempting to insert this enormous strangely shaped beach ball into my lady flower felt like I was playing an aggressive game of Tetris with machetes.

Just fuck me alreadyNo pain, no gain- on we go! After thanking the all mighty Sapphic god that my babymaker didn’t rip while getting this thing in, and grateful that my cries of pain hadn’t killed the mood too much, the tapered edge initially kept it comfortably in place while beginning to get our groove on. I must admit that there is nothing more satisfying that playing with this toy. If you are on the receiving end, feeling the tender skin of your lover so close to you and hearing their sighs of her pleasure is incredible. As a giver it is AMAZING! ...for about 30 seconds. With every thrust you get a triple shot of pleasure; the moans of your lover, the contact with your clit and perfect aim right to your g-spot. With that much going on, the moisture level amplifies incredibly… and thus comes the searing pain. Regardless of how hard you try to clench your PVCs, you are going to get dangerously wet and this thing is going to slip out. It hurts going in and boy does it hurts falling out. Worse, noticing that you are slowly losing grasp of this toy as your lover’s cries become sharper and shorter is a tragedy all on its own.

I’ve taken a general poll and it seems that most women I know either gave up on this toy, use it with a harness, or sport a snug fitting pair of underwear to support it. Tragically, I must dispel the myth of the strapless strap-on. Nevertheless, I would strongly recommend you give this toy a try: just with a harness.

By Waxey McBush
Jan 17, 2013 @ 17:07

Comments

Content Stream

  • 0 sec agoEmilie Croning11 views
    Jaden Smith has released an artsy new video about unrequited love called "Blue Ocean", after posting the song on his sister's SoundCloud last month.  And I'm going to be completely honest with you… there is some aspect of it that I actually liked; I don't know what it is. The video was directed by his close friend, Moises Arias, aka RRRIIICO from Hannah Montana, whose picture with Jaden's sister Willow caused quite a stir back in May of this year. Jaden samples Justin Timberlake's "Blue...
  • 0 sec agoJessica Abou2 views
    Australian singer songwriter Courtney Barnett has been causing quite a stir in the past last year and since I’m always one to trust anything that comes out of the land down under (how can you not with that accent) I decided to give her stuff a listen. Her music combines melancholic and storytelling lyrics to folk rock and soft pop melodies.  Tunes like Avant Gardner and History Eraser helped get her radio play, but there’s also something to be said about her more intense and heavy songs...
  • 0 sec agoJules de Gaulmyn10 views
      As one of today's most important cultures, the video game industry is once more at the center of a controversy regarding violence. Last week, a group of Polish developers (Destructive Creation) unveiled the trailer for their first video game ever, Hatred, and it is shockingly sick.   A new definition of violence   The player controls an unidentified man ("My name is not important, what is important is what I'm going to do") out on a killing spree. Now, this situation is not...
  • 0 sec agoNick Brutus Grass Younes3 views
    This 30 min-set takes us through a great selection of down-tempo tracks from artists who are from Ontario. Due to the recent tragic events, this is coincidentally our way of commemorating those who lost their lives for this country. You will feel the vibes on this one. Sit back, relax, and roll one up. This Dirty South Ontario mix by L-SPEX is going to put you in the right mood. Click play:  You know the drill, we got the chance to ask L-SPEX a couple of questions to get more...
  • Oct 23, 2014 @ 15:06Nick Brutus Grass Younes62 views
    A music video for girl duo XO! has surfaced the interwebs and is making its rounds on Vine. There's not much info on the girls online that you can find, except a soundcloud page with 2 tracks, a twitter account and a Vine account. Helene & Maliibu make up the hot group that seems to have just been formed not too long ago. Signed on Island Def Jam Records, we might be seeing a lot more from these two hot chicks in the coming weeks. The track and video for "Starin' at it" seems to...
  • Oct 23, 2014 @ 11:55Nick Watts20 views
    Released on October 24th (worldwide) and 28th (US) as a joint venture between Universal Music and Swedish label Svenska Inspelningar is the Sonny Alven remix of Nause’ “Another You.”  At just twenty years old, Alven is carving a name for himself as a refined house producer, and this remix clearly demonstrates this. Taking the resonating melody and bringing it out with even more clarity, he builds the tune gradually. Introducing a softly padding drumbeat and mood lifting guitar riffs, “...
  • Oct 23, 2014 @ 11:53Nick Watts12 views
     Sweeping vocals, atmospheric pads, and intense, melodic riffs – the new single from Duvoh is a massive cut of progressive electro house. Out now on on Deorro’s Panda Funk Records, there are big drums, progressive chord work and infectious melodies that lift the track to new heights.  Adrian Delgado’s vocals add more than just a dash of class to the epic opening breakdown, before the drop brings on the hardcore fist pumping. This is club music at its most fiery. You can get your...
  • Oct 23, 2014 @ 11:19Jessica Abou42 views
    Last Tuesday night Nattie and I made our way to Montreal’s version of Williamsburg aka Saint Henri for a quaint little supper. “Where did you guys go eat, Jessica?” asked the fictional person I just created 2 seconds ago. Well friend, we went to tickle our taste buds at fusion Indian style restaurant Rasoi for their 1 year anniversary party! Rasoi (meaning “the kithen” and pronounced ruh-soy) serves amazingly delicious Indian cuisine with new age twists on traditional dishes. As soon as...
More articles