What You Can Expect From Being Broke(ish)

  • So once again I find myself teetering on financial collapse. Constantly dipping into overdraft and selling every last textbook you hope you won't need anymore is a stressful and agonizing place to find yourself in. I'm not going to bitch and moan like it's not my fault... I'm the type of person who refuses to spend more than 20$ on any article of clothing but can easily burn through 60$ in one night of drinking (aka an idiot with poor priorities). Anyway, In my various experiences with this financial state I have compiled a few key aspects that people who are new to flat broke-ness might not expect and what to look out for. 

    DISCLAIMER: I am by no means a financial expert or else I wouldn't be in this situation. Take all advice with a grain of salt as I have piss-poor judgement, decision making skills and I'm probably breaking most of these rules as we speak. I am also not trying to make light of people in ACTUAL dire financial situations; I am not starving or sleeping on the street, I'm just a dumbass.

    Overdraft

    This is a cruel cruel system most banks have implemented in order to blatantly screw people like me over. It pretty much means the bank lets you take out money from your account that you don't have, great right! Nope! Because the massive interest when you drop below 0$ makes -14$ turn into -80$ real fucking fast. This is a decent last resort but if you spend too long in the red zone, prepare to feel it.

    #failperson

    Mooching From Friends

    If you are as broke as I am, be prepared to be THAT MOOCH. You all know the type; very friendly and apologetic but 'loans' and 'borrowing' turns into 'gifts' and 'charity' real fast. I have seen myself become this annoying parasite many nights; staying close to roommates to mooch a cab ride home, hang out with my friends who don't want to be the drunkest people at the party so they send me a shot here or there, etc. Overall once or twice and you are a minor inconvenience, more than that you become a permanent annoyance. Watch the 'borrowing'. 

    Goodbye Luxuries

    This one seems pretty obvious but is probably the hardest to do. No more late night drunk poutine, no more buying bacon or the 'good cheese' at the supermarket. You will have to get what's on the sale-iest of sales and don't buy microwaveable dinners; convenient but just cook for your goddam self it's 50% cheaper. 

    But y tho

    Nightlife

    Obviously living in a city is expensive, some more than others but you can always expect a lively night on the town to involve a few bucks. If you're broke the obvious applies; find places with no cover that do pitchers. Buying beer in bulk and sharing (or not) in a dive bar is (very approximately) 1000 times less expensive than waiting in line to pay 20$ at a club that charges 9$ for a vodka fucking red bull. Your pre-drink is also vital, or as I have renamed it: Getting shitfaced on 10.1 as fast as possible (malt liquor and orange juice works too... it's actually not half bad).

    Jobs

    Now the obvious solution to your problem would be to get a job. To many, this is a daunting task. but as an experienced do-er of shitty jobs I have these words of advice: a) start early: finding a job isn't easy. It might take a few days it might take a couple months. Start before you're broke. b) Lower expectations: Unless you are ridiculously good looking or have really good connections, it's hard finding the 'ideal' job. Beggars can't be choosers so get ready to work somewhere miserable for low pay; dishwashing, telemarketing, etc. The more shitty jobs you do, the better your chances are of finding a not-so shitty job in the future.

  • By James Hecht
    1 year 6 months ago
    Filed under Rants

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