Basic Bitch 101: A Tutorial

Basic Bitch 101: A Tutorial

worst coffee ever
Filed under: 
On Our Radar

I regret to inform you that this here post is NOT a buzzfeedesque quiz to let you know if you are a basic bitch. I am simply here to educate you on this extremely alarming topic.


In this I will focus on three areas: 

  1. What is a Basic Bitch?
  2. Basic Bitch Predators
  3. How to avoid being a Basic Bitch

What is  Basic Bitch?

to the left

Literally speaking, a basic bitch would be one who often dresses in basics, meaning, clothing of the cotton persuasion. If we're being completely honest, a basic bitch is one who reeks the stench of someone who's personality was forcefully removed from them at birth by probably Rumplestiltskin disguised as a Michael Kors purse.

They're the ones that always post inspirational quotes as if they graduated from the University of Pinterest- majoring in Delusion with a minor in being the most annoying fucking person on social media.

inspiration nation

They are basic because they are predictable in most aspects of their lives, most obviously in the way that they dress. I'm basic when the lactose gods are mad at me. Sometimes all you want to do is frolic in a pair of 5$ jogging pants you got at Walmart. That's okay- but it only takes one ''this too shall pass'' reference to take you from ''fat day'' to full-blown basic bitch.

Basic Bitch Predator :  The Bad Bitch


Take Miley Cyrus, Rihanna- basically any female celeb who's exposed their vagina via fashion magazine editorial.


Add a snap-back, 2/3 of a twerk and a sprinkle of unprotected sex and you've got a ''bad bitch'' on your hands. I would suggest you wash those hands thoroughly because evidently, bad bitches don't wear pants. Walking around looking like a stripper circa 1993 and I havn't decided whether or not that's a good thing because, I mean- I like Showgirls but I don't like contracting Chlamydia from a toilet seat.


What the bad bitches fail to realize is that they've fallen into the trap created by pervert masterminds. The same perverts who put that chick with the spray tan and highly visible nipplitis on The Golf Channel. Teaching golf skills along side that 80 year old British dude acting like she wasn't strategically placed there to give your grandfather a boner.

gold channel

How to Avoid being a Basic Bitch

There's no real way to avoid being a basic. Technically, basic bitches aren't doing it on purpose. It takes assholes like myself and the bad bitches to judge you accordingly on a scale of 1-10 based on how hard you idolize Lauren Conrad from The Hills.


So now you have to go around town driving in your red Fiat in legitimate fear of the bad bitch army. Can't have that latté, the bad bitches are watching you. They wait behind a bush in their crop tops and Jeffrey Campbell shoes  waiting for the opportune moment to sneak out of the shadows running after you with their claw shaped acrylic nails screaming, ''DAT LATTÉ DOE'' and ''Bitch, don't kill my vibe...''.

On that note, I'd like to argue that your vibe killed itself because you made it listen to too much Lana Del Reytard.


Fucking lyrical genius of our generation.

main image: instagram @fatjewish

image 1:

image 2:


Share this article


Content Stream

You need to get on this. Montreal has a new artist on the scene, and he goes by the name Clyde Forest . This dude got on our radar as soon as we laid eyes and ears on his craft through his instagram profile and his debut single. Immersed in a place that lies between contemporary urban with a rock...
You already know about Jaymie Silk . If you don't, then brush up on your knowledge as he's been on our radar for quite some time now as the new rising star producer and DJ, particularly known in the Montreal vogue scene. He just dropped his latest EP titled Watch Me just in time before his...
Donzelle is a beautiful mix of questionable metaphor rap, deadpan dancers, unrefined costume changes and heavy dirty bass. You might remember her name from back around the neon/electro-rap days, you might just not, and that's okay. She's back with a brand new single and visuals to accompany her...
Young self taught producer, Kultur keeps on climbing the ladder and asserting himself since the release of two EPs and several singles that caught the attention of the interwebs. After a year spent putting flesh on the bones of his universe, he comes back with "OCEAN" , his new single featuring...
iamhill is a force to be reckoned with. This self-made emerging artist is talented in a raw, underground type of way. She took it upon herself to produce, write, record, and perform "Give It a Rest" - A catchy single with few words that will get stuck with you as you play it on repeat. It was...
EVERY WEEK. We feature the best underground tracks & remixes, and most of them are up for free download. We prioritize Canadian producers and acts but it is not exclusive. Every Sunday, we'll round-up all of our favourite remixes and tracks we've received through submissions and lay them out...
Nothing better than some fire beats to warm you up in this damned cold weather. MORRIS just recently dropped a 6-track project titled GOOMBAWAVE on soundcloud. A collection of beats based on those species of sentient mushrooms from Nintendo's Mario franchise. You don't need to listen to it in any...
Birthday Boy & Trish release new single titled “Chance To Go Far” off their upcoming EP titled Joseph , out on January 19th via Bastard Jazz . We recently featured the single “Magic” off the same EP, which they had released to close out 2017 with a bang. Further emphasizing the project 90s R...
This emerging artist has been on our radar for quite some time now. Langston Francis is a young visionary who grew up in the centre of Kensington Market and was heavily influenced by the Toronto music scene. His first single "FCKD IT UP" has been making the rounds of the interweb, especially for...
Watch the video above. Life is a journey of twists and turns, leading us to moments of both true bliss and great despair. In her new video "Prime Time" , Singer-songwriter Liana takes us on an emotional adventure throughout the breathtaking landscapes of Peru – a visual odyssey that reflects a...
"Confessions..." is an on-going column where we invite readers to submit their most outrageous personal stories anonymously for everyone to read. These stories are real, and usually come from people who lead double lives. Due to the nature of the subject matter, all identities are kept anonymous to...
We took Parsons' graduate Panisa Busayanont 's Life Cycle collection to New York City's Central Park. Shoes by Aldo . Photographed by Sami Claire . Follow us on Instagram for your fashion fix.